I remember / je me souviens
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For those limbic bursts of nostalgia, invented by Proust, miniaturized by Nicholson Baker, and freeze-dried by Joe Brainard in his I remember and by Georges Perec in his Je me souviens.

But there are no fractions, the world is an integer
Like us, and like us it can neither stand wholly apart nor disappear.
When one is young it seems like a very strange and safe place,
But now that I have changed it feels merely odd, cold
And full of interest.
          --John Ashbery, "A Wave"

Sometimes I sense that to put real confidence in my memory I have to get to the end of all rememberings. That seems to say that I forego remembering. And now that strikes me as an accurate description of what it is to have confidence in one's memory.
          --Stanley Cavell, The Claim of Reason


Thursday, October 20, 2005
I remember the heavy, glass bottle that we had in our refridgerator for water. Once I had a very high fever and was dying of thirst. My grandmother couldn't hear me calling for help in the middle of the night (our parents were in Europe and granny was staying with us).
The fantasy of drinking delicious, ice-cold, NYC water enticed me to make the trek from my bedroom to the kitchen. With 103 fever this was quite a travail - I had to hold on the the doorposts at every room and fling myself a few steps onwards. When I arrived at the refridgerator, an old Fridgedaire with a metal handle that you had to forcibly pull out , I had to muster all my remaining strength to open the door. I took one look at the bottle on the top shelf and knew that I would never have the strength to lift it down.
I gave up and fainted on the kitchen floor. When I revived it was a huge ordeal to make it back to bed, where I lay delirius and thirsty until morning.



posted by caroline 3:42 AM
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